At Risk of Sounding Like a Hypochondriac
Haha, this post makes me nervous to write because all I can imagine is someone saying, "Oh, you Google'd your symptoms and now you are convinced you have cancer."
I have been suffering from daily, out of control exhaustion for AT LEAST the last seven years. I believe I've been struggling with this issue since I was a senior in high school. I never really thought much of it - in fact, I always contributed it to being involved in so many things, working hard in sports, and having to get up early to attend drama practice before the start of the school day.
As time went on and I started to attend college, I convinced myself I was so tired because I was suffering from depression and that is a side effect of the mental disease. I would have issues trying to attend classes and after my first year, I would do everything in my power not to schedule 8am's. There just was no way. It was so hard for me to get out of bed in the morning from the exhaustion. I became frustrated at myself for not being able to do the things I once was able to. I had a traumatic experience my sophomore year and while also dealing with a toxic relationship, I spiraled out of control. My junior year would be the worse year yet. The toxic relationship became controlling, degrading and overall, I was in the depth of my despair and anxiety. I wasn't coming out of it.
So here I am, four more years after that fact. My depression feels like it has made leaps and bounds after I made some positive changes, and that is exciting! My anxiety not so much. I still get in my own head more than I'd like, but I'm practicing being "gentle" with myself and attempting to work on self love. It's work, but progress. But I am still EXHAUSTED.
I started looking up my symptoms (oh, no. Here we go.) because I needed to see it wasn't all in my head. That, maybe, I need to see a doctor. At the scolding of my boyfriend that I haven't had a yearly physical in seven years I made an appointment. I informed them I want to talk about my extreme fatigue (Cool story! I called back today and try and get in sooner and the lady told me my doctor planned to draw blood so I need to fast the night before. I'm happy to know they will be looking into my sleepiness already!). I digress.
By chance, I happened to click on narcolepsy today. It was attached to a link called "sleeping disorders" so I wasn't actively seeking it out.
GUYS.
I hit on almost all four points. The biggest two symptoms being my extreme daily sleepiness and my hallucinations. Hallucinations? What? Yep. I have honestly thought up until this point I was seeing ghosts. No joke. People with narcolepsy experience hallucinations as they fall asleep and as they wake from slumber. On a daily basis - I am either thinking I see people or hearing whispers as I fall asleep OR think I see someone in my room when I wake in the middle of the night. This is only at bedtime though, otherwise I would have seen someone for potential schizophrenia a long time ago. The final piece is that people with narcolepsy often times suffer from extreme, vivid scary dreams....and this, lady and gents is my last reason to believe I might suffer from this.
My appointment has been moved to next Friday and I am both nervous and excited. Treatment for narcolepsy is more managing the symptoms versus anything else, so that is a little...sad? for me.
I have been suffering from daily, out of control exhaustion for AT LEAST the last seven years. I believe I've been struggling with this issue since I was a senior in high school. I never really thought much of it - in fact, I always contributed it to being involved in so many things, working hard in sports, and having to get up early to attend drama practice before the start of the school day.
As time went on and I started to attend college, I convinced myself I was so tired because I was suffering from depression and that is a side effect of the mental disease. I would have issues trying to attend classes and after my first year, I would do everything in my power not to schedule 8am's. There just was no way. It was so hard for me to get out of bed in the morning from the exhaustion. I became frustrated at myself for not being able to do the things I once was able to. I had a traumatic experience my sophomore year and while also dealing with a toxic relationship, I spiraled out of control. My junior year would be the worse year yet. The toxic relationship became controlling, degrading and overall, I was in the depth of my despair and anxiety. I wasn't coming out of it.
So here I am, four more years after that fact. My depression feels like it has made leaps and bounds after I made some positive changes, and that is exciting! My anxiety not so much. I still get in my own head more than I'd like, but I'm practicing being "gentle" with myself and attempting to work on self love. It's work, but progress. But I am still EXHAUSTED.
I started looking up my symptoms (oh, no. Here we go.) because I needed to see it wasn't all in my head. That, maybe, I need to see a doctor. At the scolding of my boyfriend that I haven't had a yearly physical in seven years I made an appointment. I informed them I want to talk about my extreme fatigue (Cool story! I called back today and try and get in sooner and the lady told me my doctor planned to draw blood so I need to fast the night before. I'm happy to know they will be looking into my sleepiness already!). I digress.
By chance, I happened to click on narcolepsy today. It was attached to a link called "sleeping disorders" so I wasn't actively seeking it out.
GUYS.
I hit on almost all four points. The biggest two symptoms being my extreme daily sleepiness and my hallucinations. Hallucinations? What? Yep. I have honestly thought up until this point I was seeing ghosts. No joke. People with narcolepsy experience hallucinations as they fall asleep and as they wake from slumber. On a daily basis - I am either thinking I see people or hearing whispers as I fall asleep OR think I see someone in my room when I wake in the middle of the night. This is only at bedtime though, otherwise I would have seen someone for potential schizophrenia a long time ago. The final piece is that people with narcolepsy often times suffer from extreme, vivid scary dreams....and this, lady and gents is my last reason to believe I might suffer from this.
My appointment has been moved to next Friday and I am both nervous and excited. Treatment for narcolepsy is more managing the symptoms versus anything else, so that is a little...sad? for me.
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